I didn’t see this as it was making the rounds, so when I saw it posted today I went off. The quoted section is the original piece.  My response is below, full of ranty goodness.

I’m voting Democrat because I believe the government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would.
I’m voting Democrat because freedom of speech is fine as long as nobody is offended by it.
I’m voting Democrat because when we pull out of Iraq I trust that the bad guys will stop what they’re doing because they now think we’re good people.
I’m voting Democrat because I believe that people who can’t tell us if it will rain on Friday CAN tell us that the polar ice caps will melt away in ten years if I don’t start driving a Prius.
I’m voting Democrat because I’m not concerned about the slaughter of millions of babies so long as we keep all death row inmates alive.
I’m voting Democrat because I believe that business should not be allowed to make profits for themselves. They need to break even and give the rest away to the government for redistribution as THEY see fit.
I’m voting Democrat because I believe liberal judges need to rewrite the Constitution every few days to suit some fringe kooks who would NEVER get their agendas past the voters.
I’m voting Democrat because I believe that open borders and government give-aways to foreigners is a great way to grow a nation.
I’m voting Democrat because I’m way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to protect me from murderers and thieves.
I’m voting Democrat because I love the fact that I can now marry whatever I want. I’ve decided to marry my horse.
I’m voting Democrat because I believe oil companies’ profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene but the government taxing the same gallon of gas at 15% isn’t.
I’m voting Democrat because my head is so firmly planted up my butt it’s unlikely that I’ll ever have another point of view.

Do you really live in such a partisan echo chamber that you hold these assertions to be true about the sum total of the DNC and its supporters?

I’m assuming by “do[ing] a better job of spending the money [you] earn” you are implying those evil, “Tax and Spend” Democrats are going raise your taxes. With a 455 billion dollar deficit for 2008 and a 10 trillion dollar debt your country doesn’t have much of a choice. The current administration has waged two wars on credit and your economy is now beholden to the central banks of Japan and China. Over a trillion dollars of your debt is held by those two countries alone, and 44% of the entire debt is held by foreign countries.

Never mind that your President Elect has fairly extensively detailed the changes he intends to make to US tax structure, if your line of reasoning runs that taxes should *never* go up then you’ve got two options. Saddle your future generations with a crushing debt or start paying it down. If taxes can’t go up in your world then spending must be cut. Numbers for the 2007 budget tell me that 64% of the discretionary budget went to military spending. You want to avoid taxes there’s where you cut.

Which takes us to point 3: stop funding a meat grinder in a part of the world where, despite the continued moving of the goalposts, the only true goal has to install friendly governments to ensure the timely delivery of oil to American based multinationals. I hate to break it to you, but the rest of the world pretty much consider your country to be full of spoiled, petulant, assholes. They don’t hate your freedom; they don’t hate your way of life. They hate your decades of interventionist policies. You want the rest of the world to leave you alone, look up Isolationism, better yet, look up Republican Isolationism and discover a time when the GOP’s policy wasn’t dictated by multinationals with foreign energy interests.

Skipping back to point 2, I can’t say as I’d support the restriction of free speech (and I live in the wrong country for my beliefs on the matter) on the basis of it being offensive, but then again I wouldn’t restrict someone’s speech on the basis of my finding it immoral, which is something the theocon controlled GOP is having issues with. Speaking of morality based legislation…

The day your horse can legally enter into a civil contract as well as give a statement of consent we’ll talk. Most probably about the informal fallacy that is the slippery slope, but if you’re up for it I’ve got no problems talking about the logistics of bestiality, again, I don’t restrict speech to that which is only inoffensive to everyone. Until that time, however, can we stop pretending that same arguments against interracial marriage that were soundly defeated are magically applicable to same sex marriage?

Further down the list of morality based legislation we find the topic of abortion. A touchy subject that requires a delicate sense of tact to debate in mixed company without causing too much of a disturbance. So let’s jump right into the debate with how sad dead babies are. Aborted fetuses make baby Jesus cry and should be avoided at all cost. Which can only, logically, lead to an administrative policy promoting abstinence only education under the threat of having educational funding revoked. The best way to prevent unwanted pregnancies is obviously a campaign of ignorance… They’re going to have sex one way or another, you want to “think of the children”? Make sure they understand what it is they’re doing and what their options are. If, once that’s taken care of, you still believe that you have the authority to tell other people what they should do regarding their own medical, social and financial situation, perhaps we can talk about the raise in taxes necessary to fix the support system for the unwanted children that are given up for adoption.

Speaking of purposeful ignorance it’s rather fitting that you bring up the death penalty along side abortion. Perhaps looking at the statistics from the innocence project might help you understand why so many people find the death penalty to be offensive and unethical.
I think I’m going to keep skipping around here, because it’s fun. Regarding the “goddamn piece of paper” (President George W. Bush, Dec 2005) that you hold so dear, perhaps in your civics class they may have covered what is required to amend your constitution. I’m having problems understanding how you feel “a few fringe kooks” have the ability force a two-thirds vote in both houses or a two-thirds vote amongst the legislatures of all the states in the union, and then force a three-quarters vote across all states to ratify the proposed amendment.

I’m going to require a citation for the assertion that the ice-caps are going to melt in the next ten years unless everyone switches to the Prius. In fact, I’m growing tired of this, while you’re at it I’d like to see a citation for the assertion that Democrats don’t feel business should make a profit. I’m also curious why you see a 15% tax on fuel which is reinvested into the country is more onerous than a 4% profit margin that is squirreled away from the country at large. I’m not implying that 4% profit is obscene, I just don’t understand your numbers. The money for military spending, 65% of the discretionary budget, needs to come from somewhere.

Despite skipping around I have left the head-up-your-ass comment out, quite purposefully. Frankly, it’s the only thing you said that I agree with. Quit pretending that either end of the spectrum has all the answers. Lay off the strawmen and false dichotomies. This isn’t us vs. them, this is the future of your country. Political discourse should be, and needs to be, above the manufactured distractions.